


Saving All My Love for You

by Leriana



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Babysitting, Character Death, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 18:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13082646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leriana/pseuds/Leriana
Summary: 5 years apart in age, Clarke has always had a positive impact on Lexa’s life. So falling in love with her was easy. For Clarke, it’s not that simple.





	Saving All My Love for You

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely inspired by a mix of wine, love songs, and something I read ages ago but can’t remember the name of. Part 2 will be posted as soon as it's complete. Feedback is always welcome. Enjoy :)

For a moment, Clarke stood in front of the Woods two-story house, unable to move.

 

She could hear voices and music, something with a thumping beat that she didn’t recognize.

 

Kids’ music.

 

The Woods lived in a neighborhood on the nice side of town. The houses were beautifully decorated and showed constant upkeep with their meticulously cut lawns and stone pathways. This was going to be Clarke’s first babysitting gig and, she turned to survey the neighborhood again, it could result in good money. Her mom worked with Mr. Woods at the hospital and she had put a good word in for her.

 

Still, anxiousness bubbled up in the pit of her stomach. She took a deep breath, cast her eyes to the slowly darkening sky, and told herself she could do this. She swallowed her nerves and knocked unassumingly on the mahogany door.

 

The voices quieted and Clarke heard heavy footsteps and someone yelled, “Lexa, turn that off!” before the door was being swung open. Clarke had seen Mr. Woods before, but the pictures didn’t do him justice. He towered over her in stature with a sharp suit and even sharper green eyes. His hair was black and slicked back with a part on the side. Clarke swallowed at the imposing sight of him. “Hello, Mr. Woods. I’m Clarke.” She put her hand out for a handshake. He glanced at it like it was a foreign object and then looked back at her, his face expressionless. Clarke let her hand fall limply to her side. “Clarke Griffin. Abby Griffin’s daughter. I’m here to babysit your daughter Alexandra.”

 

He nodded, and his lips curved into a tight, uninviting smile. He moved to one side of the doorway. “Come in, Griffin.”

 

Clarke slid around him and into the house. Mr. Woods closed the door behind him and ushered her along. “Your mother has told me a lot about you.”

 

Clarke attempted to keep up with his quick, long strides. “Only good things I hope.”

 

Mr. Woods didn’t respond. “Honey, the babysitter is here!” he called up the sweeping staircase as they reached the living room.

 

“I’ll be right down!”

 

The house was even bigger on the inside, and Clarke took it all in with silent awe. The living room had high ceilings and elegant coffee-colored moulding with a long, flat screen TV propped on the middle of the wall. An even longer olive green couch was along another wall and sitting in the middle of the couch was a little girl with long, wavy brown hair. She wore a powder blue dress and she swung her sock-clad feet, her nose buried inside a book.

 

For the first time since arriving, Clarke smiled.

 

“Alexandra.” Mr. Woods voice boomed with authority and the little girl’s head popped up. “Where are your manners? Did you speak to Clarke?”

 

Alexandra hopped up from the couch and smoothed down her dress. She approached them, eyeing Clarke warily, and pushed her glasses up higher on her face. Clarke’s smile grew. Alexandra was a little less than a foot shorter than Clarke and she was absolutely __adorable.__

__

She had her father’s eyes, was the first thing Clarke noticed about her. They were striking, sharp and observant behind her black-rimmed glasses, but they were much prettier with undertones of yellow.

 

“Good evening, Clarke.” Alexandra held out her hand. “I’m Alexandra, but you can call me Lexa. It’s nice to meet you.”  

 

Clarke nearly choked on her tongue. She’d never met a kid with such manners or with such a serious disposition. She’d also never seen a kid with their nose buried in a book twice their size. It was odd, but obviously, Lexa wasn’t like most kids. Clarke shook her hand with an amused grin. “Good evening, Lexa. It’s so nice to meet you, too. How old are you?”

 

Lexa removed her hand. “I’m ten,” she said with a sour expression.

 

“Ten going on sixty.” Mr. Woods chimed in. He ruffled his daughter’s hair and she ducked away with a grimace and smoothed it back down. “She’s always been an old soul.”

 

Clarke’s eyes slid from Mr. Woods to Lexa. She winked at Lexa. “Nothing wrong with that.”

 

Lexa’s cheeks flushed scarlet. “How old are you?”

 

“I’m fifteen.”

 

“Lucky.”

 

“Time flies,” Clarke assured. “You’ll be my age before you know it.”

 

“Hello, Clarke.” An elegant, tall woman in a black skirt and a crisp white blouse descended the stairs. Her heels clacked at every step and dark hair framed her strikingly boned face. Sea green eyeshadow made her hazel eyes pop. “There’s money on the stove and if you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call us.”

 

Her voice was robotic and Clarke nodded, trying to shake off the odd feeling in her chest. “Thank you, Mrs. Woods. Will do.”

 

Red painted lips tilted up in a practiced smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Mrs. Woods grabbed her husband’s elbow and tugged. “C’mon, darling. Let’s go or we’re going to be late.”

 

They left with little waves and Clarke frowned at their backs as they sauntered away. 

 

* * *

 ****

Lexa was a quiet child.

 

She rarely spoke unless spoken to. She didn’t watch TV or complain. She wrote and she read and she obeyed, and it was as unnerving as it was intriguing.

 

“So,” Clarke drawled as she plopped down on the couch next to Lexa with a big bowl of popcorn in her lap. It had been hours since the Woods left. She’d finished all her homework, ordered dinner and ate, and she was honestly getting a little bored, which is a feeling she __never__ thought she’d experience while babysitting. If this could even be called babysitting. “Are you enjoying the fifth grade?”

 

“It’s alright,” Lexa grumbled, her face still buried in her book.

 

Clarke grabbed a handful of popcorn and stuffed it in her mouth. “What are you reading?” she asked around her mouthful.

 

At that, Lexa looked up with furrowed brows. “We’re not supposed to eat in here,” she informed flatly.

 

Clarke finished chewing and took a sip of water. A devilish look came into her eyes. She leaned in like she was about to reveal a big secret and whispered, “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

 

Lexa balled her lips, creating tiny wrinkles around her mouth. She said nothing as she surveyed Clarke. Then she popped her lips loose and shrugged and went back to reading her book. “Okay.”

 

Clarke shook her head with a warm smile.

 

Lexa was an odd kid, but Clarke liked her.

 

* * *

****

“So how’d it go?” Clarke’s dad asked over breakfast the following morning. “The babysitting.”

 

“I don’t know,” Clarke admitted as her mom set a platter of pancakes on the table. “Alright, I guess. Nothing bad happened.”

 

“So no explosions, huh?”

 

Clarke chuckled a bit. “Yeah, dad. No explosions.”

 

“What a shame.”

 

“Lexa is adorable but she’s __so quiet__. All she does is read. And I’m pretty sure her parents don’t like me.”

 

“I wouldn’t say that.” Clarke’s mom sat down and took a stab at her eggs. “They want to know if you’re free to watch Lexa next Friday.”

 

“Really?” Clarke’s eyes practically bulged out of her head. She gaped and slumped back in her chair, stunned. “They want me to come back?”

 

Clarke’s mom nodded with a smile. “They do.”

 

Clarke felt proud. She’d made a good impression if they wanted her to come back and she sure as hell wasn’t going to let them regret it.

 

* * *

 

The next time Clarke saw Lexa, she was ready.

 

She had a bag stuffed with coloring pencils and coloring books and reading material. She hefted it onto the couch, trying to contain her excitement. “Hey, Lexa. I got some cool books here that you can check out if you want.”

 

Lexa didn’t look up from her book. “No, thank you.”

 

“How about coloring? Do you like to color?”

 

“Not really.”

 

Clarke’s lips pressed into a straight line. There goes that plan. She sighed, pulled out a blank piece of paper, and begin to draw. Several minutes went by, Clarke drawing and Lexa reading. Clarke rolled her head on her shoulders to stretch the kinks in her neck and glanced over at Lexa only to see the girl staring intently at her artwork.

 

“You drew that,” Lexa breathed, glancing up at her.

 

It was a simple drawing of a highway with buildings flying past, but Lexa was looking at her like she’d hung the moon. “I did.”

 

“You’re amazing.”

 

Clarke’s cheeks burned at the approval. Besides her parents and some teachers, few people praised her art. “Thank you.” Unbridled joy shone in Lexa’s green eyes and Clarke’s own grew openly excited. “Would you like me to draw you something?”

 

The tips of Lexa’s ears turned red, and Clarke grinned. “Would you?” she asked, her voice full of hope.

 

Clarke would do anything to keep that hope alive.

 

She nodded furiously. “I’d love to.”

 

* * *

 ********

When the final bell of the day rang Clarke quickly made her way out of her Geometry class, happy that her teacher didn’t give out any homework for the weekend. She nearly got trampled by other students who were overly eager to get out of school for the weekend.

 

She made her way to her locker after fighting the crowd and exhaled a breath of relief. Her best friend, Octavia, was already at hers.

 

Octavia looked over at her and smiled. “Hey, have you picked out your dress yet?”

 

Clarke opened her locker and started taking out books. “No, I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had much time to think about what I’m going to wear.”

 

Octavia closed her locker and walked across and leaned against a locker next to Clarke’s. “Let’s go shopping tonight,” she suggested. “I’ll tell you what looks hot and—”

 

She stopped talking so suddenly that Clarke turned to see why, and when she did, her jaw dropped slightly. Toward the end of the hallway came Finn Collins, flanked by two of his friends. He walked with confidence, his bag hanging lazily off one shoulder, his head high and a half smile on his face. Then, as though in slow motion, he turned and looked at Clarke. His half smile blossomed into a full smile and he left his friends to approach her.

 

“Hey, princess.”

 

Clutching her books tighter, Clarke smiled. “Hey.”

 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” He stepped closer and Clarke crossed her fingers, hoping he wasn’t about to ask her for help with his Spanish homework. He did that often. “I was wondering if you’d go to homecoming with me. I want everybody to see the most beautiful girl in school on my arm.”

 

Clarke’s heart fluttered wildly. “I’ll go with you.”

 

Finn grinned. “Awesome.” He started walking away. “I’ll call you!” he tossed over his shoulder.

 

Clarke turned back to her locker, trying to ignore Octavia’s smirk. “It’s just homecoming, O. Calm down.”

 

“Homecoming today…” Octavia sighed dreamily and placed a hand over her heart. “A wedding tomorrow.”

 

Clarke groaned and rolled her eyes. “Shut up.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was a late Tuesday night and Lexa’s parents were arguing again.

 

Her mom seemed to be yelling a lot these days.

 

Lexa rushed upstairs, her face hot, not wanting to be anywhere near the impending fight.

 

“Carole, please.” Her father sounded exhausted. “Calm down.”

 

“Calm down?” Her mother laughed, it was a hollow sound. “ _ _Calm down__? Are you really telling me to calm down, Alexander?”

 

“Yes,” he sighed. “This is ridiculous, Carole. I just got home from a long day at work and you’re already on my case—”

 

“Because that’s all you do, Alexander! All you do is work! And I’m just supposed to sit here like the perfect trophy wife and wait for you to come home? You’re not my husband anymore! I never see you!”

 

“Don’t you __dare__ try to make me look like the bad guy here. I work so much so that we can afford all this expensive shit! Want to see me more? Stop spending all my fucking money!”

 

Glass shattered. Lexa jumped and ran to her room, closing the door behind her. She let out a shuddered breath, tears streaming down her face. She took her glasses off and wiped her eyes angrily.

 

It was a typical Tuesday night.

* * *

 

Over the course of the school year, Clarke visited the Woods house more often. Babysitting Lexa was a decent way to make money, and Mr. and Mrs. Woods were gone from their home frequently, the former working and the latter running errands. Sometimes Clarke came over after school and dragged Lexa to her house and helped her with her math homework. Other times they’d sit in companionable silence, Lexa reading and Clarke drawing. She made sure she had a new piece of artwork for Lexa weekly and she always treasured the shy, grateful smile that would cross Lexa’s face when she gave it to her.

 

As time went by and summer came, Clarke got more comfortable with Lexa’s silence and Lexa got more comfortable with her noise.

 

Lexa’s eleventh birthday came as a complete surprise and proved to Clarke that there was a lot she didn’t know about Lexa.

 

The only reason she knew it was Lexa’s birthday in the first place was because Mrs. Woods wished her “happy birthday!” on her rushed way out the door.

 

Clarke sat down next to her and Lexa hunched further over her book, obscuring her face from Clarke’s gaze. “Happy birthday,” Clarke said after several minutes of silence.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Any special plans?”

 

Lexa looked up from her book, her eyes flashed with deep hurt. “No,” she answered simply.

 

Clarke paused for a moment before prodding further, “No friends coming over later?”

 

Lexa pushed the frame of her glasses up and averted her eyes. “I don’t have friends,” she admitted quietly, shrugging. She glanced at Clarke before quickly averting her gaze again. “Kids don’t really… like me at school. I’m weird.”

 

Clarke’s heart broke.

 

She scooted over on the couch until she was right next to Lexa, their arms pressing. Her voice softened. “Lex…” Lexa still refused to meet her eyes and Clarke gently placed her hand over hers. Lexa stiffened but didn’t pull away, and she finally met Clarke’s earnest blue eyes. “Being weird isn’t a bad thing. I’m weird.”

 

Lexa scrunched up her face like that was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard. “You’re not weird. You’re cool,” she said matter-of-factly. Clarke scoffed and pulled out her cellphone. She showed Lexa the background picture and watched in amusement as Lexa’s eyes grew wide with disbelief. “Is that Yoda?”

 

“It is,” Clarke nodded. “Wanna know why I have Yoda as my background pic? Because I’m a huge dork and I love Star Wars and I’m weird, and you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. People that don’t like my weirdness can kiss my butt,” she said with finality.

 

Lexa cocked her head to the side and her eyes studied Clarke with a curious intensity. “I like you.”

 

“I like you, too,” Clarke said, smiling. “And since we’re both weirdos, and we like each other, can we be friends?”

 

Lexa thought about it for a second before a bright grin overtook her face and a light blush dusted her cheeks. “Yeah, we can be friends.”

 

Clarke squeezed her hand.

 

* * *

****

The summer proved hot enough to drive even Lexa out of the house. Her parents had left enough money for them to do whatever they wanted, and Lexa wanted nothing more than to get a milkshake at the local diner.

 

Since Clarke couldn’t drive legally yet, they relied on her father to act as chauffeur and they scheduled the outing around his work schedule. They took the long way to the diner, winding through the streets and taking in the scenery while Clarke sung along to the radio and made faces at Lexa in the rearview mirror. Lexa crinkled her face at every bad note, but her eyes were smiling so that was good.

 

“Just so we’re clear, Clarke gets her bad singing from her mother’s side of the family,” Clarke’s dad, Jake, said with a teasing grin.

 

“Oh please.” Clarke rolled her eyes and in the back seat, Lexa smiled. “You can’t sing dad.”

 

“See, that’s the difference between you and me. I __know__ I can’t sing. You’re under the delusional impression that you can.”

 

“I think Clarke sounds wonderful,” Lexa added quietly.

 

“Kiss up,” Jake mumbled through his grin. He caught Lexa’s eye in the rearview mirror and winked at her.  

 

Clarke turned in her seat to lock eyes with Lexa, smiling gently. “And that’s why you’re my favorite person.”

 

Lexa blushed and ducked her head, heart thudding in her chest. She turned toward the window to conceal her lips quivering in threat of a smile.

 

When they arrived at the diner and Clarke’s dad dropped them off, they had to wait in a line, as there were quite a few people that had the same idea. Ten minutes later, they managed to get a booth in the corner and sat on the same side. They ordered burgers and fries and two vanilla milkshakes, and Clarke watched with barely concealed amusement as Lexa happily scarfed it all down.

 

“Clarke?”

 

The familiar voice grabbed Clarke’s attention and she froze. She slowly looked up. “Finn,” she breathed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. A frown crossed Lexa’s face and she stopped drinking her milkshake as she watched the two interact. “Um… hi.”

 

Finn smiled, all charm and ease. “Hey, princess. It’s good to see you.”

 

“You too.”

 

They stared at each other, dopey smiles on their faces.

 

“Oh!” Clarke jumped as if remembering something. She waved a hand at Lexa. “Finn, this is Lexa. Lexa, this is Finn Collins, a classmate of mine.”

 

Finn smiled at Lexa. He was handsome and Lexa disliked him more for that. “Hey, Lexa. I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

 

“Yeah?” Lexa’s mouth tightened as she looked up at him. “Wish I could say the same. I’ve heard nothing about you.”

 

Clarke’s eyes widened and Finn shifted awkwardly side to side. “Okay, well…” He glanced around. “I’ll catch you later, Clarke.”

 

“Bye, Finn.”

 

He quickly walked away, looking dejected, and Clarke sighed and turned her attention to Lexa. “What was that about?” she asked with an incredulous tone.

 

“What, I was just telling the truth,” Lexa murmured. “You’ve never spoken of him.”

 

Clarke’s gaze lingered longer than normal, and Lexa lifted her head and stared unflinchingly right back at her.

 

“Please be a little nicer next time,” Clarke said lowly. 

 

Lexa’s mouth dipped into an even deeper frown, but she acquiesced. “I will,” she grumbled and went back to her milkshake.

 

* * *

 ****

The next school year rolled around all too quickly for Clarke’s liking. Her summer had been fun. She enjoyed the times she spent with her friends, people her age, but she thoroughly enjoyed the time she spent with Lexa. Lexa was wise beyond her years and she soaked up whatever knowledge Clarke shared with her like a sponge.

 

On the first day of school, Clarke joined an art club and, months later, Finn tagged along. After encouragement from Octavia, they started dating.

 

It was around that time that Clarke noticed a shift in Lexa.

 

They had grown closer over the year until she started dating Finn. Then Lexa began to withdraw. Her words got shorter and clipped, and Clarke was called in less and less to babysit. She didn’t miss the money, she could easily find other work, she missed Lexa.

 

She knocked on Lexa’s door lightly. “Lex, may I come in?”

 

A muffled voice gruffly replied, “Yeah.”

 

Clarke strode in to find Lexa sprawled on her bed with a book in her hand. Clarke took a minute to take in her room. There, hanging on the purple walls, was almost every piece of artwork Clarke had ever given her.

 

She was shocked, pleasantly shocked and infinitely happy that Lexa treasured them so much.

 

Lexa cleared her throat, and Clarke smiled at her, affection warming her chest. She approached the bed and sat beside Lexa. “Whatcha reading?”

 

Lexa returned to her book. “To Kill a Mockingbird.”

 

Clarke raised her eyebrows. “That’s a little advanced for your age, isn’t it?”

 

“I’m advanced, Clarke,” Lexa drawled for perhaps the millionth time. Being smart didn’t get her many friends, but it would eventually get her into a good college.

 

“Can we talk?”

 

Lexa shrugged. “We’re talking now, aren’t we?”

 

Clarke shot her a glare.

 

Lexa sighed heavily. She placed her bookmark between the pages she was reading and closed her book. “What is it?” she asked as she sat up.

 

Clarke bit her lip. Now that she had Lexa’s undivided attention, she didn’t know what to say or—

 

“Why are you dating Finn?”

 

The question was asked with such sadness that Clarke felt a pang in her chest. She opened her mouth, struggling to find an answer. “Finn’s very nice. And he likes me.”

 

“I like you,” Lexa offered quietly, looking like a kicked puppy. She met Clarke’s eyes. “Probably more than he does.”

 

“Lexa.” Clarke faltered. Lexa shut her mouth and stared at her hands. Clarke swallowed around the lump in her throat. She wanted to say or do something to help ease Lexa’s mind, but she felt completely helpless. This was new territory. Although Clarke was sure she was bisexual, Lexa had never expressed interest in anyone, boys or girls.

 

__And Lexa was just a kid._ _

 

So when Lexa professed her feelings, Clarke forced a smile because obviously, Lexa was talking about friendly fondness for her, not feelings of romantic interest that she was entirely too young for.

 

Comforted by that thought, Clarke wrapped an arm around Lexa. “I like you, too,” she said gently. “You’re very special to me. You know that, don’t you?”

 

Lexa nodded.

 

“You’re like a little sister to me. Nobody’s going to come between us and change that. Not Finn, not anyone.”

 

Lexa dropped her gaze. Her gangly legs were hanging off the bed and she dug a foot into the carpet of her floors. She was growing fast like weeds. “Promise?”

 

Clarke squeezed her shoulder and kissed her cheek. “I promise.”

 

Lexa grinned.

 

* * *

 

Clarke and Finn lasted for the duration of her high school career. They were the school’s golden couple and it was nice, but by the time graduation came around Clarke was ready to call it quits.

 

“How does it feel?” Octavia asked carefully.

 

The pair were in the backyard of Octavia’s house, lounging by the pool in bathing suits. It was a warm July evening and a full month after Lexa’s thirteenth birthday. It still blew Clarke’s mind that Lexa was now a teenager.

 

Clarke turned and raised an eyebrow in question.

 

“I mean, since you and Finn…”

 

And then Clarke’s smile dropped and she sighed. “Weird,” she admitted, “but we’re both going our separate ways so it’s for the best.”

 

“So you don’t regret breaking up with him,” Octavia stated.

 

Clarke just shook her head.

 

“Mm, hey,” Octavia chirped, eager to change the subject, “so I was thinking-”

 

“Oh no,” Clarke groaned, “we’re all doomed.”

 

Octavia snorted at that and punched Clarke’s shoulder “Since we’re both going to the same college and we’re best friends…” She paused for dramatic effect and Clarke rolled her eyes. “Wanna be roomies?”

 

Clarke cracked a smile. “Hell yeah.”

 

* * *

 

The summer before her freshman year of high school saw a very new Lexa. She’d grown to almost five-foot-six, traded her glasses for a pair of clear contacts, joined the track team, and had a very different mindset than just four years ago.

 

She wasn’t going to sit quietly on the sidelines anymore.

 

She was going to excel and she was going to make people remember her name.

 

* * *

 ****

Lexa didn’t bother visiting Clarke until she had her track uniform to prove to Octavia that she’d made the team. Now, hair in a low ponytail and wearing the green, white, and black uniform, Lexa stepped out of the car with sneakered feet and luggage to find Clarke practically skipping to her.

 

Lexa froze, unable to move as she took Clarke in with wide eyes.

 

Lexa was used to Clarke wearing jeans and a t-shirt, something casual, comfortable, and easy. This Clarke was wearing makeup, the smoky eye making her blue eyes pop. And her shorts, Lexa nearly gaped, showed off her legs nicely.

 

Lexa was not at all prepared for this.

 

Her stomach flipped uneasily.

 

“Hey, Lex!” Clarke greeted, running the rest of the way to close the gap between them. She waved at Mr. Woods in the driver’s seat. “Hey, Mr. Woods!”

 

Mr. Woods nodded politely. “Hello, Clarke.” He turned his attention to Lexa. “I’ll see you Sunday, Lexa.”

 

“Okay, bye, dad,” Lexa said distractedly. She couldn’t take her eyes off Clarke. “You look…” Her neck grew hot as she continued to scrutinize Clarke. “Different.”

 

She mentally face-palmed herself at the word choice, but Clarke chuckled and her blue eyes were sparkling and Lexa felt her embarrassment slowly fade away. “Good different?”

 

There was a shyness there, a thin layer of insecurity coating Clarke’s words. Lexa would’ve missed it if she didn’t know Clarke well, but she did. “Great different,” Lexa assured. “You look beautiful, Clarke. You’ve always been beautiful with or without makeup.”

 

It was said with such sincerity that Clarke looked at a loss for words. “Sweet-talker.” She tilted her head and her eyes slowly traveled Lexa from head to toe. Lexa forced herself not to squirm. “You’re taller than me now,” Clarke observed quietly.

 

Lexa smiled smugly and shrugged a shoulder. “A little bit.”

 

Clarke rolled her eyes. “C’mere.” She wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck, pulling her into a tight hug. “You look beautiful, too, Lex,” she whispered, her breath ghosting Lexa’s neck, and Lexa shivered. Clarke stepped back, beaming, completely oblivious to Lexa’s inner turmoil. “Now let me show you around.”

 

Lexa’s chest flooded with feelings. Good feelings. She shook them off and followed Clarke.

 

They toured the campus for a good hour and then made their way back to the dorm Clarke and Octavia cohabited. Lexa raised her eyebrows in approval as she dropped her overnight bag to walk around the apartment. “Nice place.”

 

Clarke made her way to the couch and sat on it. She watched Lexa walk around the small kitchen and then check out the two bedrooms. “Thanks. I think my mom may have had a little something to do with us getting it.”

 

“It’s really cool.” Lexa walked toward the couch and plopped down next to Clarke. Clarke surveyed her face fondly. “What?” Lexa frowned. “Is there something on my face?”

 

Clarke shook her head, chuckling. “No. I’m just still getting used to the whole…” she waved a hand in front of her face, “no glasses thing.”

 

“It’s a lot easier to run track this way.”

 

“You have really pretty eyes,” Clarke observed, and Lexa blushed and ducked her head. “It’s really good to see you, Lex. I’ve missed you. Skype calls aren’t the same as you actually… being here. In the flesh.”

 

Before thinking better of it, Lexa clasped Clarke’s hand. She wasn’t one for physical contact, but she knew Clarke liked it, and she sensed that Clarke needed it at the moment so she put aside her own hangups. “I’ve missed you, too.”

 

“Keeping those grades up?”

 

“Of course. Straight A’s.”

 

“That’s my girl. How’s track?”

 

“Track is fun. I love running, it’s exhilarating.”

 

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Keep me posted on your meets. If I’m able to make one you know I will.”

 

Lexa’s lips quirked up. She lived a good two-hour drive away, but she knew Clarke would make it if she could. “I’ll keep you posted if you keep sending me art.”

 

“Deal. So….” Clarke folded her legs under her and wiggled her eyebrows. “Any boys catching your eye?”

 

“No,” Lexa mumbled, her eyes lingering on Clarke’s thighs. “No boys. How’s college treating you?” she asked in an attempt to change the subject.  

 

“It’s so freeing here, Lex,” Clarke sighed. “I’m studying art and I’m on my own and I’m becoming who I was meant to be and… it feels really good.”

 

Lexa smiled. Freedom looked really good on Clarke.

 

Keys jingled, and Clarke and Lexa turned to find Octavia walking through the door. At the sight of Lexa, Octavia stopped in her tracks and dropped all her books. “Lexa, is that you?”

 

Lexa stood up. “According to my ID, yes.”

 

Octavia rolled her eyes. They met in the middle of the room and hugged, and Clarke couldn’t help but smile.

 

“You’re in track,” Octavia gushed, her eyes sparkling. She ran track in high school and seeing Lexa in the uniform brought back old memories. “I can’t believe you did it. You actually did it.”

 

“I said I would.”

 

“I know it’s just, you’re such a bookworm. I didn’t think you’d ever step outside long enough to run.”

 

Lexa folded her arms across her chest and sneered.

 

Clarke watched in amusement as they began to bicker.

 

Lexa spent the weekend with Clarke and Octavia, mostly Clarke since Octavia was off with her boyfriend Lincoln. They spent hours on the couch eating junk food and watching bad Netflix shows and Star Wars movies Lexa had brought with her. Clarke would rest her head on Lexa’s shoulder and Lexa would fidget with her fingers until Clarke held them still.

 

* * *

****

It wasn’t until her junior year of high school that Lexa realized her feelings for Clarke extended beyond the realm of friendship. She felt the best thing she could do was put her feelings to the side. Clarke was straight and away at college. They texted almost daily, but they rarely got to see each other. It wasn’t a good idea to let those feelings manifest.

 

Oddly enough, falling for Clarke made sense to her.

 

Clarke was the nicest person Lexa had ever met. When nobody else was there, Clarke was, and she’d always had a positive impact on Lexa’s life. Whenever Lexa thought of spending significant amounts of her time with someone, Clarke was the first person that came to mind.

 

It didn’t help that Clarke went to college and got… hot. Granted, she’d always been pretty in Lexa’s eyes, but something about growing up and going to college agreed with Clarke. Being around her now made Lexa nervous.

 

So Lexa buried her feelings. She buried them in schoolwork and track practice and extracurricular activities. Dating wasn’t easy for Lexa, no one caught her eye, but when her good friend, Costia, asked her out, she jumped at the opportunity.

 

Anything to keep her mind off of Clarke.

 

* * *

 ****

Watching the sunset on campus was awe inspiring and the perfect way to end Clarke’s long day. It soothed her mind, body, heart, and soul.

 

The sky was covered with a galore of colors, stunning and glorious. Clarke sat on a bench near her dorm, beholding nature’s art with an expression of admiration and adoration. She pulled out her phone and took a picture of it because Lexa would appreciate a sight like this.

 

A voice interrupted her. “Hey.”

 

She looked to her right and watched a young woman join her on the bench. “Hi.”

 

“I’d shake your hand but…” The woman trailed off, glancing down her greasy fingers, and Clarke smiled understandingly. “I work part-time at the mechanic shop down the street and things get a little messy. I’m Raven, by the way.”

 

“I’m Clarke.”

 

Raven was pretty. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, grease-stained her tan cheeks, and she had a sly smile. “Wait… Clarke Griffin?”

 

Clarke narrowed her eyes. “How do you know my name?”

 

“I’ve seen your artwork around campus.” Raven shrugged a shoulder, her eyes roaming over Clarke’s face. “You’re good.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“So beautiful,” Raven said after a lengthy silence.

 

“I know, right?” Clarke’s eyes were back to the sky.

 

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about the sunset.” Raven flashed a confident grin. She slowly got to her feet. “I’ll catch you around, Clarke.”

 

She walked off with a slight limp. They were both on the same bench the following week, and three months later they started dating.

 

* * *

****

“Mom, dad, this is Costia. My girlfriend.”

 

Lexa’s parents were sitting on the couch with stacks of papers on their laps when she marched into the house and made the announcement.

 

Inside, she trembled under their unwavering, wide-eyed gazes. Outside, she held her back straight, her head high, and her eyes blazed with determination. Costia stood by her side, holding her hand with a look of immense pride.

 

Her parents looked intently at each other for a long time, as if having a silent conversation. Then her father moved the papers off his lap, eased away from the couch, and crossed to her.

 

Lexa stood taller and unconsciously gripped Costia’s hand tighter.

 

Reaching for Costia’s free hand, he began to shake it. “It’s nice to meet you, Costia.”

 

Costia smiled gently. “It’s nice to meet you as well, Mr. Woods.”

 

Apparently encouraged by her husband, Lexa’s mom got up from the couch and joined them. Her gaze was fixated firmly on Costia, and her expression, like her husband’s, was a mix of curiosity and tension. “Yes, it’s… nice to meet you, Costia.”

 

Costia kept the same gentle smile on her face, handling them gracefully. Lexa heaved a silent sigh of relief.

 

* * *

 ****

__Thursday - January 19_ _ _ _th_ _ __

__

****10:02 pm - Hey Clarke. I’m sorry but I won’t be able to make it this weekend.** **

****

10:02 pm - What? Why? Are you okay?

 

****10:11 pm - I’m fine. Busy.** **

****

****10:15 pm - I have a lot of homework to do and I don’t want any distractions.** **

****

****10:30 pm - I’m sorry :/** **

****

10:36 pm - It’s okay. I understand.

 

****10:39 pm - I should still be able to come during my spring break though.** **

****

10:40 pm - K. :)

 

Clarke had been lying in her bed and watching Netflix on her laptop when she got the first text. Now, she stared down at her phone, her face sullen.

 

It wasn’t like Lexa to cancel plans last minute.

 

Hell, it wasn’t like Lexa to cancel _at all_.

 

Clarke was newly single—dating Raven had been fun, but Clarke always felt like something was missing—and she had planned a nice weekend for Lexa’s arrival. She’d been looking forward to spending time with her.

 

She glanced down at her phone again and reread the texts. Her eyebrows furrowed. Homework had never stopped Lexa before. Lexa knew she could visit and do her homework with no interruptions and Clarke would be perfectly content to just be in her company.

 

A mixture of sadness and worry swelled in Clarke’s chest. Her finger hovered over Lexa’s number. She considered calling her, but judging by the tone of Lexa’s texts, Lexa didn’t want to be bothered.

 

At least, not by her.

 

* * *

 ****

Lexa stayed true to her word and visited Clarke during her spring break.

 

She was again greeted by Clarke with open arms. They went straight to the dorms and spent hours catching up on the couch in the living room. Then, while the sun was still up, they left and went to a Chinese restaurant and were seated in a black lacquered booth. Hot noodles and sweet and sour sauce were placed in front of them. They dipped and dug in, and sipped lots of green tea.

 

“Are you seeing anyone?” Clarke asked abruptly.

 

Oh, shit.

 

An alarm went off in Lexa’s head.

 

Clarke was the _ _last__ person she wanted to talk about her love life with.

 

She chomped down on a hard noodle to cover her sudden nervousness. “You mean romantically?”

 

Clarke quirked her eyebrows and Lexa tried not to shrink under her gaze, feeling like she was ten again. “Yeah.”

 

“Uh, yes,” she murmured.

 

“Ah.” Clarke slumped back, relief washing over her face. “Well, that explains it.”

 

Lexa frowned. “Explains what?”

 

“Why you’ve been acting so… distant.”

 

“I haven’t been acting distant,” Lexa defended weakly.

 

“Lexa.” Clarke gave a wry half-smile. “I hope you know you can talk to me about this stuff. I’m serious, you don’t have to hide it. Even though I strongly doubt anyone you date will ever be good enough for you, I still want to be in the know about it.”

 

Lexa’s heart fluttered wildly, Clarke’s words settling warmly in her chest. “You’re the special one, Clarke. No one will ever be good enough for you.”

 

Clarke inhaled deeply and ducked her head. When she looked back up, her eyes were shining. “You are something else.”

 

Lexa smiled at the sight of Clarke’s sparkling eyes. Clarke was still the same sweet girl Lexa had fallen in love with.

 

A waiter approached their table and refilled their drinks and Clarke shook her head as if clearing her thoughts. “So what's he like?”

 

“Who?”

 

“Your boyfriend.”

 

Lexa thought of Costia and almost choked on her tongue. “Oh, um, girlfriend actually,” she said quietly, and Clarke’s eyes widened. “Her name’s Costia. She’s nice.”

 

Clarke tilted her head and watched Lexa for a minute. “Costia is a very lucky girl,” she remarked softly, reaching for Lexa’s hand across the table and squeezing it.

 

Lexa smiled bashfully and her cheeks flushed as a weight fell off her shoulders.

 

* * *

 

Saturday night, the night before Lexa was due to go home, was a somber occasion.

 

It had been a busy week. They spent it hanging out when Clarke wasn’t in class or at work, and they had conversations about everything and nothing. It was odd looking at Lexa as an equal, but the girl had always acted light-years ahead of her age.

****

They sat in front of the TV in their pajamas with the volume on low because Octavia was sleeping and she had work in the morning. Clarke stood up from the couch and tugged Lexa up with her.

 

“What?”

 

“I’m going to teach you how to dance so you don’t embarrass Costia at prom.”

 

Lexa glared at Clarke. “I’m not a bad dancer, Clarke.”

 

“You’re not a good one either.” Lexa huffed and started pulling away but Clarke grabbed her hands before she could fully retreat. “Wait, wait.” She laughed at Lexa’s sour expression. “I’m joking. Now let's dance.”

 

“There’s no music.”

 

“We don’t need music. “ Lexa opened her mouth and Clarke gave Lexa her best puppy dog look. “Come on, Lex. Dance with me.”

 

Lexa’s breath hitched. There was no way she could deny that tone. Clarke guided her arms around her waist and then wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck. They maintained a comfortable distance and swayed side to side. 

 

“You’re doing great,” Clarke commended several minutes later.

 

The domesticity of the moment tugged at Lexa in an unfamiliar way. Thoughts and feelings slammed into her all at once. “I’m in love with you,” she blurted.

 

Clarke froze, deadly still—not even daring to breathe. “What?”

 

An unbearable silence followed for what felt like hours before Lexa quietly repeated herself, her voice trembling, “I’m in love with you.”


End file.
